I'd like to shove a big dildo up Bill Gates ass.

See how he likes having a red ring problem.


Be honest, you look at how big of a shit you've taken before wiping your arse


The Sun Headline: "Harry vs The Taliban"

J.K. Rowling must really be running out of ideas...


BBC NEWS- "Girl, eight, raped by boys, 10"

Getting a bit graphic putting their cock sizes in the headline isn't it?


My mate is addicted to brake fluid.
But he reckons he can stop at any time.


I went to a Gamblers Anonymous meeting yesterday and they told me I have a good chance of overcoming by addiction.

I wouldn't bet on it.


Alcohol killed my first wife.

I came home pissed and shot her.



It was Kate and Gerry's fault.... if they hadn't have came home so early I would've just raped her and left her there


Some of these are just funny cause there not lol. Post up some jokes guys

I think that its for the best I don’t put up my favourite jokes as some people may take offence and they also make me look like a pedo, but good work milfer

my wife is exactly like heather mills...

she only wears half the fucking shoes she buys!

So i've been playing alot of Mw2 recently, and one night my wife comes in and agressivly shouts at me "all you do is play on the game, you never pay any attention to me"

so i pressed R3 and stabbed the bitch!

I recently got arrested because of my modified baby on board sign, apparently "maddie in boot" is not acceptable.


My wife said to me, "I've just heard some great news, apparently the police know who the local paedophile is and they are going to arrest him tonight."

I said, "That's brilliant news. Let's celebrate by moving to Australia."

i didnt get the first one evans, but the others were pretty funny from both of you.

Heather mills has one leg

I've just come out of the 'chippy' with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas and a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said, "I've not eaten for two days." I told him, "I wish I had your will power."

A woman buys a wall mirror from B & Q. The manager says, "Would you like a screw for that mirror?" "No", she says, 'but I'd suck your Dick for a lawn mower."

Top tip; If your camping in the summer and the attractive girl in the next tent tells you that, because it's so hot, she will be sleeping with her flaps open, it's not necessarily an invitation to casual sex...........Wish me luck, I appear in court next Monday.

I got fired on my first day as a male masseuse today. Apparently, the instruction "finish off on her face" didn't mean what I thought it did.

A fat bird serving my food late in McDonalds at lunch time said "Sorry about the wait."
I said, "Don't worry you fatty, you'll lose it eventually."

Paddy is walking down the road eating a bag of doughnuts when he meets Murphy. Murphy says "If I can guess how many doughnuts you have in the bag, can I have one?" Paddy says, "If you can guess how many are in there, you can have both of them"...............Murphy says, "Four!"

Recession beater - Wife says to husband, "If you cycle to work, we could get rid of the second car". Husband replies, "If you'd take it up the ar*e & let me cum on your face, we could get rid of the nanny!"

LOL they are some class ones there near enough all of them made me laugh.l

another set of premium quality jokes

Man comes home from work with a sheep under his arm!
Walks into the bedroom where his wife is watching tv.
The Man says 'There you go, theres the dirty pig i've been shagging behind your back!'
She says, 'I think you'll find thats a sheep!'
He says, 'I think you'll find i'm not talking to you!'

looooooooooooooool

Four gaay men where all sitting in a hottub chatting for a while, then all of a sudden a condom floats to the top. After all the suprise one says "Who farted?!"

Lmao dibbers heard that one the other day

Lol these made my day, i go one its one of those bushisms( stupid things president bush said in his speeches):

"we are facing a terrible enemy. Everyday they think of new ways to win the war in iraq, and so do we. Everyday they dicover new ways to attack and so do we. Everyday they think of new ways to harm the people of this country, and so do we"

thats as close as i can remember it lol

joke of the day - michaels face